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C H I C A G O W E D D I N G & P A R T Y R E S O U R C E
W W W . C H I C A G O W E D D I N G R E S O U R C E . C O M
14
B A N Q U E T S , R E C E P T I O N S , S H O W E R S & P A R T I E S
When my fiancé asked me to marry him, my response was
“Of course!” Not one for being formal, I thought my answer
was sweet and fun, but he looked at me nervously, and said,
“Does that mean yes?” Of course it meant yes! But there, in
the first few microseconds of our engagement, I suppose I
was already messing up proper wedding etiquette – and it
has only gotten worse.
Case in point: immediately after getting engaged I called or
e-mailed everyone I know to share the news, but when it
came to planning the various events that engaged couples
usually engage in before their wedding, I had no idea what a
new-bride-to-be was supposed to do to pre-wedding party
correctly. Should his parents throw us an engagement party
even though we wouldn’t know anyone there? Was someone
supposed to throw me a shower? Was I supposed to throw
me a shower?
It turns out there aren’t actually any pre-wedding events that
couples are required to have. In fact, even the two classic
galas – the engagement party and the bridal shower – are
changing in form these modern days.
From informal cocktail parties thrown by friends to help
the busy bride and groom entertain out-of-town guests, to
small wedding night after-parties hosted by parents so that
they can relax within their own circle, we are really starting
to make our own rules about events surrounding a wedding.
In fact, the formal engagement party seems to be falling out
of favor, because, now that people live so far apart, couples
don’t want to inconvenience their friends by requesting that
they travel prior to the wedding.
However, an engagement party is nice because seeing that
many of the guests are old friends of your fiancé or parents’
friends, you get to meet all these new people who will be
a part of your life for the rest of your life. You can keep it
casual, intimate and fun – a great way for the two sides of the
soon-to-be-new family to connect.
And very much a sign of the times. Many of the events
surrounding weddings are becoming more casual and
“guest-centric.”
If a number of guests are bringing their kids, the couple
might actually have a big barbeque instead of a traditional
rehearsal dinner. Base the meal around foods that are
regional or personal favorites, such as pizza if you live in
Chicago or something special that you ate on your first date.
It’s both affordable and a fun twist, especially if the party has
a vibe completely opposite to that of the reception.
In the weeks leading up to the wedding, more brides are also
opting to either have a less formal bridal shower, such as a
couples’ shower which includes both genders but only close
family and friends, or no shower at all, as many people are
now getting married later in life and already have many of
the household items they need. But if you do choose to have
a shower, keep in mind that it’s considered bad etiquette if
you or your family formally host the event.
The first bridal shower should be thrown by the maid or
matron of honor, and a bridesmaid. Extended relatives can
then throw additional showers, if they wish, after the first
one.
Or you can forgo the classical shower and have a tea party on
the day before your wedding instead. Each woman can bring
a teacup of her own choosing, which will not only provide
you with 30 or so mismatched teacups, but also a few
wonderful hours being girlie with your girlfriends – which is
really what a pre-wedding party should be, of course!
© CTW Features
You’re Engaged. Now What?
A slew of telephone calls, sure; but an engagement party, bridal showers ... nothing?
What are you supposed to do to help spread the word and celebrate?
By Anna T. Hirsh