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BANQUETS, RECEPTIONS, SHOWERS & PARTIES
64 | SPRING 2018
CHICAGO WEDDING & PARTY RESOURCE
CHICAGOWEDDINGRESOURCE.COMToday’s Etiquette
& Modern Decorum
A few tips for knowing when traditional etiquette matters,
and when you have some wiggle room.
Anna Sachse, CTW Features
WHAT ARE SOME ASPECTS OF
THE BIG DAY THAT STILL REQUIRE
FOLLOWING PROPER ETIQUETTE?
A general rule of thumb is to consider
whether your choice would create reasonable
discomfort or unhappiness among your
guests; if it appears it would, no matter
howmuch you’d prefer it, opt for the more
“traditional” approach.
For example, be thoughtful with your guest
list. Whether married, domestic partners
or in a long-term relationship, you need to
invite both halves of a committed couple –
they’re a matched set. Similarly, don’t invite
some first cousins and not others, or only one
aunt. And inviting some kids but not others
would encourage ire, so either have no kids
or include them all, even the bratty ones you
can’t stand.
It’s inevitable that there will be people at your
wedding who you don’t know very well or
even some you don’t much like, but this is an
area where it’s important not to be petty. The
potential backlash from excluding people
isn’t worth it.
Also, it’s not a good idea to include registry
information or any sort of plea for presents
on or in your invitations. It looks like you’re
holding a benefit for yourself, where the
present comes in exchange for a ticket.
WHEN IS IT MORE ACCEPTABLE
FOR COUPLES TO DO AS THEY
PLEASE?
A lot of things couples think of as “necessary”
really aren’t. You don’t have to have a shower
or a bachelor/ette party, for example, and
you don’t need a bridal party – in fact, if
you do have one, take care not to exploit it.
There’s also no need to cling to any part of
a ceremony that doesn’t appeal to you or
fulfill a religious or cultural mandate you’re
participating in.
And at a seated reception, you don’t have
to separate couples from each other the
way traditional seating for weddings would
have. You certainly can – and you may get
livelier conversations as a result – but it isn’t
necessary.
As long as you take care of people’s feelings,
you don’t have to worry so much about
formalities.
WHAT ARE SOME RESOURCES
COUPLES CAN LOOK TO FOR
TRUSTWORTHY ETIQUETTE
ADVICE?
We love the Emily Post Institute for
traditional etiquette advice. Their books are
very clear, extremely complete and easy to
look through for references. Also, no one
beats Miss Manners for her sense of humor
and perspective, although her books are
harder to use because they’re constructed as
compilations of her newspaper columns.
Try Carolyn Hax’s relationship advice
column in the Washington Post, and Emily
Yoffe’s “Dear Prudence” column for Slate.
com. These two don’t always talk about
weddings or supply answers regarding
so-called “traditional” etiquette, but they
often get at the very thing traditions want to
help.
© CTWFeatures