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C H I C A G O W E D D I N G & P A R T Y R E S O U R C E
W W W . C H I C A G O W E D D I N G R E S O U R C E . C O M
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B A N Q U E T S , R E C E P T I O N S , S H O W E R S & P A R T I E S
One of those pieces of wedding etiquette that many couples
forget about until the last minute is how to organize and
assign the toasts over their various events. Sometimes they
feel awkward formally telling their loved ones when to say
nice things about them.
Nowadays the open-mike format has become more popular,
however, they can open the door to embarrassing, off-color
or long-winded speeches with little means of shutting the
offending orator down.
To avoid the unpleasant unexpected, it’s still a good idea to
plan ahead. Here’s how.
COME TO ORDER
The first official speech comes at the rehearsal dinner
after the guests sit down but before the meal begins. This
responsibility falls to the host, typically the groom’s parents,
and includes a toast to the new couple and the uniting of
two families. The bride’s parents might then respond if they
wish.
But if both sets of parents are hosting the rehearsal together,
the bride’s parents should go first, even if the groom’s family
paid more. If there’s ever a question, wedding etiquette
favors the bride’s side first in all events.
When dinner is done, before coffee and dessert, the bride
and groom should offer their own toast, thanking everyone
for coming, their parents for their help with the planning
and the bridal party for participating. This is typically when
you hand out gifts to your bridal party as well.
In addition, after dessert when things are winding down,
the groom will often stand and surprise his bride with a
toast, thanking her for all the work she put into making the
wedding happen.
At the wedding, after everyone is seated for dinner, it’s the
best man’s turn to open with a toast to the bride or the new
couple, followed by the maid of honor. The bride’s father
then stands to welcome his new son-in-law into the family
and thanks all the guests for coming. At this point, the
groom and possibly the bride might respond with another
thank you to their parents and an acknowledgment of
guests, but this last speech also often comes right before it’s
time to cut the cake.
You don’t want too many toasts or it could end up looking
like a corporate event, or even worse, a roast. Don’t
plan more than four a night and try to spread them out
throughout each event.
CONTROLLED CHAOS
Although the above order is traditional, bear in mind that
there is no requirement or societal bylaw that demands it.
Today’s couples are twisting tradition to fit their own needs.
If the maid of honor is terribly shy, skip her speech. Or if
the best man is the groom’s 5-year-old son from a previous
relationship, substitute a good friend. Feel free to personalize
your toasts according to who will do the best job.
GIVE DIRECTION
Being asked to make a wedding toast is one of life’s great
honors, and for many people it’s a once in a lifetime
experience. They may have no idea what to say, how long
to speak, how to use a microphone or even where to stand.
Preparation is the key to success, and that same philosophy
applies to anyone who is asked to propose a toast. Brief
them in advance and offer them assistance if they need it.
MANAGING MISHAPS
Even with an agenda, there’s always a chance that one
of your toasters might get toasted and start making
inappropriate comments, or a wannabe comedian could get
a hold of the mike.
If you need to give someone the hook, ask the band or
DJ to simply bring up the music and cut the microphone.
Another option is to warn your bridal party beforehand
so that you can signal them to start clapping with a wink
or an ear pull if things get out of hand. People tend to start
clapping when others do, which would effectively shut the
speaker down.
But before you take these more extreme measures, gauge
the audience’s reaction first. If they’re horrified, don’t
hesitate. But if they’re merely uncomfortable for a moment
and the speaker is winding down, just grin and bear it.
Every wedding needs at least one mortifying/hilarious
story!
© CTW Features
A Toast is in Order
Who should say what, when, during your wedding weekend
By Anna Sachse